Migraine from HELL

I had an awesome day yesterday!!  Undecorating from Thanksgiving, planning for Christmas.  I spent the afternoon with Julie, her daughter and her pup... working on some training (or, well, watching Addie train us... lol)... I even got to do some grooming!! 
Our bunnies were out getting some exercise... the sun was shining...got some adult conversation...and a new pair of comfy, fuzzy socks! It was a great day!!

Then the evening hit... and it all went down hill from there.  Which is just damn sad.

I dont understand... I try so hard to do good things... but in the end, they always just back fire on me.

My mother.  Need I say more...?!?

I thought we were doing good by helping her out.  I wanted this to be a chance for her to get on her feet again... start living like a 50 yr old and not an 80 yr old.  Apparently it just isnt going to happen.  She isnt going to change. 
Even the written agreement we have, and she signed, means NOTHING to her. 
Once again in life... I go out of my way to help... and I end up paying the price!!  In my own home, we are going without things... downsizing things... to be able to continue to pay both mortgages... so that we have a home and now Josh and my mom have a home!  One would think ppl would appreciate that.  NOPE!  I do believe that Josh is trying very hard to make the situation work.  BUT, it is pretty damn hard when the other person in the house thinks she is above agreements and can be pushy to get her way...or just refuses to do anything.

I just cant do it anymore.  Josh is using my car... while his is down.  Stacy is working 7 freakin days a week and cant help Josh fix his car.  (And Josh has been up here doing all he can with the car, on his own) Josh cant have ppl in his own home to visit because my mother cant keep clothes on or move off the couch and away from the TV!
What the hell is wrong with this picture?!?!?  PLEASE... Someone tell me what I can possibly do to make this better???  I'll tell you... NOTHING!!!  It is out of my hands.  BUT... you would think, that a person with NOTHING and NO place to go... would do a little more to make things work!!!  NOPE... and yet when I blog about her actions... she gets upset that I make her look ungrateful!!  WWWEEELLLLL.... Stop acting and looking the part!!!  GRRRRR!!

Last nite spiralled downward real quick!  I ended up with such a migraine... I wanted to just die.
I have 4 kids to be a mother to.  I do not need to mother my mother.
I WILL NOT ALLOW OTHER PPL TO AFFECT MY LIFE IN A NEGATIVE WAY!! 
I moved an hour plus away from ppl for a reason! 

So... ppl are either going to be part of the problem or part of the solution... but if you are part of the problem, be prepared to get out of my life!

I am DONE! 

My kids will not live with a mom who is hiding from stress and the pain that it causes!!  I plan on living our lives to the fullest!!  And after last nite... Stacy said he will be taking over the old house bullshit... because he is not playing these games with ppl. 

I LOVE doing things with my kids!!!  And today we will be going on an adventure to get our first REAL Christmas tree... first real one in 14 yrs!!  I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!!  AND... Stacy found new springs for my car... the car Josh is trying!  LMAO!!  I cant wait to get new springs on it... and DRIVE it around!!! 
I also cant wait to send the kids up to the attic... and pull down Christmas decorations!!!

AND... I LOVE having Josh come over... and watching the other kids spend time with him... because they really do miss him!!  Both girls got dressed and headed out to help him with his car!!! 
I LOVE MY KIDS!!!   I LOVE how I they are all turning out!!!  I DID DO SOMETHING RIGHT!!!  :-)

I will say it again...
I AM SOOO BLESSED to have 4 awesome kids... and an awesome hubby!!!  To have a beautiful house... and amazing truck... and food  in the fridge... and furbabies to love...
I LOVE MY LIFE!  :-)

Thanksgiving Recap

Yesterday turned out to be an awesome day!! 

Unfortunately, Pap didnt make it to dinner... he wasnt feeling well.  But, even with him missing... we made the best of it.
It was nice to see Aunt Connie... and Mert!  I had fun cooking with Ellie in my apron pocket...LOL!  Lexi seemed to have a good time with Nathan and Brittany.  I enjoyed the "strong" stuff Jason and Carrey brought!!  ;-)  I need to get that "recipe"... Stacy and I both really liked it!

My grandparents came... which meant my mom didnt.  I dont even want to hear the lame excuse that she was sick... she made sure to call me from her old apartment.  Oh well... her loss. 
Oh, my grandparents even liked the mixed drink Carrey put together!  LMAO!!! 

All of the food turned out pretty good... and I managed to make it through without setting anything on fire... OR forgetting anything!!   
Today will be the day we pick at turkey leftovers... and tomorrow I will make turkey and waffles!

BUT... I did manage to forget to give everyone their fundraiser orders... DUH!!

Now... the clean up begins... chairs need folded, tables put back... Fall decor can get put away for another year.  Time to bring out winter/Christmas things!  I think we will attempt a real tree this year!  We havent had one since Courtney was 4... and it made her wild!  LOL!!

Oh, and my stairway project turned out pretty darn good!!!  I wish i would have painted them long ago!!  I LOVE the way they look now.

Well, nothing is getting done with me sitting on my butt... time to get to work!!
NO Black Friday shopping for me!!!  I will wait until Cyber Monday... then Aunt Jen and I can shop together...out in the cyber world!!  LMAO!!!

Enjoy the sun!

Thanksgiving

A day and a half... and our house will be over flowing with family! 

I was hoping to have my stair project completed by Thursday... but I am not so sure at this point.  I have been doing so all kinds of things around here... that my back is absolutely KILLING me!!  I got a first coat of paint on the stair 'fronts'... and I am hoping to get a 2nd coat on tonite.  It is just so hard on my back!! 
Pulling the carpet staples out of the steps really did my back in!!  My husband, the "starter" ripped all of the carpet off the steps MONTHS ago... but never went back to pull out the staples.  Soooo.... that is what I did today (the kids helped).  In addition shopping, doing laundry, moving dogs and their crates, etc... etc...etc...  UGH!

Here we are... faced with the Holiday season...
Let me tell you... I am sooooooo very thankful I am who I am, and I am where I am.  Looking over my life... I could be in prison, I could be dead, I could be just like my family... BUT, I am NOT.  I am right here... right where I belong!  With an awesome hubby... making an awesome family for us and our kids!
Getting here was no easy task!!  I had to battle through people, odds, and my family! 
It isnt easy when you grow up in a family that is as dysfunctional as mine!!  As I am being reminded... the women in my family are down right nuts!  My mom and grandmother are so much alike they refuse to sit down and enjoy Thanksgiving with us... because they dont want to be in the same space as the other!!! 
Who cares how that affects MY kids... or who's feelings get hurt!  Obviously... the only ppl that truly matter to them... ARE themselves!! 
It is sad.
The only thing Stacy and I can do is use it as a teaching opportunity.  THIS is NOT what we want our kids to become!!!

Ok... I guess I better get to putting on the 2nd coat of paint!  If I dont do it now... I dont think it will happen... my back hurts soooooo damn bad.  I sure hope I can still walk come Thanksgiving day!!!
Tomorrow is going to be an even busier day!!  The kids are going to start their deserts!!!  And I have 7 dogs to groom!!  Ohhhh good times... good times...!!  Yea, I may be in a wheelchair Thursday!  UGH!!!

I really wish Mr Sunshine will come out to see us tomorrow!!! 

Exhausted!

Today was brutal!  I have been on the go ALL day long!
The morning was spent in my shop... where I had to fight back tears.  I groomed a beautiful Akita!!  She was such a sweetheart... and she held her ears JUST like Rai-Ni did!! I swear, she could have carried a plate on her head!  LOL!!  She even gave Brittany kisses right on the nose!  UGH... I miss Rai soooooooo darn much!!  She was THE BEST dog ever... and I am soooo glad we were able to give her a loving home to live out her years.  She sure did love the kids... they were HER kids.  And she and I had such an amazing connection!  She knew what I was feeling, what I was thinking, when I felt crappy... everything!! 
We ALL miss her!  Even Stacy... and even though she ate his high school jacket because she missed us one day we left her home alone too long.
Ok... fighting back tears again...

After that...
I went shopping for everything we will need for or FEAST!!  That was a fun trip... NOT!  I feel like I was shopping FOREVER! 
I had to rush home and quickly get ready for Parent/Teacher Conf.   Nathan's teacher was running so late that we missed Courtney's conf. 
One we finally got out of there... we ran to Kratzer's to pick up the final things needed to put the fan and light in the out kitchen.  Then to Weis to pick up the last few things I couldnt find.  (Tomorrow-- Trip to Hornings, for the hard to find stuff!)

Getting home never felt so good after today!!!  My PJ's are sooo comfy!!!  My FM is flaring up... my knees, hips, shoulders and back are KILLING me today.  This damn rain is NOT helping!!!

Tomorrow-  Hornings trip... work on the stairway project... move stuff around... pick up new E Lops... work on stairway project some more... do some cleaning... do some laundry... work on stairway project... You get the picture!  LOL

Time to curl up with my hubby!!  More tomorrow!

Started, but yet to be completed

I think I have about 3 blogs that I have started over the past few days... but never finished or published!!  I get "lost" mid blog... mid thought... and decide it is just best to keep my mouth shut and thoughts to myself.  Which, makes me want to explode at times.

It has been a rough past month plus around here.  There are changes happening all around... and no one seems to be happy about them, or liking them.
I have been trying really hard to remember all that Joyce has taught me... but sometimes it is just down right HARD!!  It isnt easy for me to keep things all bottled up... but I have been trying.

Yesterday Stacy and Josh got my mom moved up to the house.  I feel so bad for Stacy!!  He had to deal with my grandfather and mother... without me!  When I finally got there in the late afternoon... I walked in on my husband YELLING (which... if you know my hubby... you know he NEVER does that!! It takes alot to get him to that point!)  All I could do was cringe... and listen to Britt tell me Stacy MUST be MAD... he NEVER sounds like that!!  LOL  (I can look back and laugh)
If I didnt have Stacy in my life... I would be my grandfather!  And yes, I still have "those" moments... but Stacy has really proven to be my other half... and balances me out.  I love him more and more every day... even though I dont always "like" him.  LOL

I sit back... and I realize that my mom has no idea what all went into moving her.  And it makes me sad.
I dont have "family"... like most.  My "family" is every man for him/her self... but at the same time want everyone to be about them.  If that makes sense...?  It is so frustrating!! 
Anyway...
My mom has no clue what went into getting her moved.  It is something that money just cant buy.  A concept I hope she soon learns.
A complete stranger to her offered up ALL of those moving blankets...Henry... a wonderful man, who always is willing to do whatever he can to help whomever he can!  Truly a rare breed anymore.
My FIL offered up his trailer to haul everything.  Miles put on his trailer tires... wear and tear on his trailer... Another awesome person who does what he can to help whomever he can. 
Stacy gave up his ONLY day off for the next 2 weeks!!  AND, gimped out the door this morning for his 10 hour day.  He also got pushed to the point he had to raise his voice... which NEVER happens!  Boy, was he mad yesterday... it took him HOURS and a trip to DQ to calm down.
Josh gave up hours at work to help...and got so frustrated I thought his head was going to pop off!

Those are all things that money just cant buy... you have to involve yourself in a relationship where you GIVE... and then get in return.  But you have to GIVE first!!!  It is those things that make you a better person.  The difference between SELFLESS and SELFISH!

Yesterday I took Nathan and Brittany to their first bunny show!!  We had soooo much fun!!!  We didnt win... but we gained so much knowledge!  It was a great experience!!!  And now that we understand things more... and learned so much... we hope to do better at our next show... which I think will be Farm Show!
I was very proud of myself... I didnt come home with more bunnies than I went with!!  I did buy carrier cages... and a breed standard book and some cage tags.  All things that were good ideas!!
I WILL NOT be buying ANY bunnies without doing LOTS of research... and a real good look over!!!  I learned A LOT yesterday!!!

I only got about 3.5 hours of sleep Friday nite.  We were up and on the road by 5am yesterday!!  It was rough!!!  On  top of that... I had to pull out the really strong allergy meds... AND pop Benadryl like it was going out of style!!!  Of course I was attached to my inhaler too.  All of those things made the 2.5 hour drive home a bear!!!  I was almost falling asleep!!!! 
My ass was in bed by 7 last nite... fast asleep not much later than 8!  Stacy was right behind me.  All I remember is him saying he was getting a shower... and me hunting his warm legs for my cold feet once he got into bed!!!  (At this point... I dont think he could fall asleep at nite without my cold feet!  LOL)

So... I got about 10 hours of sleep last nite... but I still woke up feeling shitty.  I officially have a cold of some sort.  Or... I am just that old that I cant hang with these few hours of sleep!  It may take me a day or two to recover!!!   Oh geez.

Today... I broke the news to the kids that the DishNetwork is going bye-bye!!  And we are going back to basic cable.  That went over like a lead balloon!!!  Everyone is pissed.  I said they should be glad we are even getting the basic cable... we could just go without TV all together... wouldnt bother me any!!! 
I am also re teaching everyone how to do their chores!!!  I am sick of the half ass jobs that have been getting done around here! 
Let me tell you how UNpleasant my house is right now.  And I dont much care.  I am sick of giving to unappreciative kids!  Times are changing!!!

I have a slew of changes that are going to be made in the months to come!  Baby steps... baby steps!

OK... well...  I have to sit down and make my grocery list for our feast on Thursday!!  I have my menu narrowed down... and the turkey has been put into the fridge to start to thaw out!! 
I am soooo serious when I say... I CAN NOT WAIT for Thursday!!  :-)

Enjoy the sunny day!!!  It is time for me to get outside and get some bunnies out exercising!!!  We have some out of shape bunnies around here!!!

1 week until FEAST time!

We are just one week from THANKSGIVING!! 
As everyone already knows... I have been thankful daily!!  Sometimes it is just something little, that may seem silly... but it's the little things that keep me going sometimes.
Yesterday I started doing some serious meal planning for our Thanksgiving!  We are looking at about 20 people coming!!  I am thinking of trying a few new dishes for our feast... not just the "same ole" Thanksgiving meal.  ;-)

Speaking of food... I really need to get serious about my diet!!!  My scale is def going in the wrong direction!!!  And it is really starting to show...  my heart is acting funky, my back is killing me, and let me tell you about my mood...!
It isnt easy, let me tell you!!!  I have NO support in this house!!!  I buy foods that are good for ME to eat... and somehow everyone else runs off with them!!!  BUT, if those were the ONLY foods I would buy... all hell would break loose!!  UGH!! 
My husband isnt any help either... apparently he has NO self control of his own!!  Four donuts in one day...at work...  It doesnt matter what I buy for the house, he just goes crazy elsewhere!!
I cant police everyone... but it would be nice to have my husband helping me with this struggle.  I am thankful for my friends who try to be supportive!!  I think I would just lay down and give up if it werent for them!!

Let me tell you about the nitemare of this damn doggie door!!!!! LOL!!!! 
UGH!!!!  Some are getting it... some refuse...!!!  So much for my trainable German Shep!!!  His ass is going to be looking for a new home if he doesnt get it together real soon!!!  UGH!!!
Then there are the dogs that are just too smart for their own good... they use the doggie door to go out... then find their way out of the run... and let themselves in the out kitchen door!!!  WTH!?!?! 
I think this weekend we need to finish the run... secure it... and hope these bone heads decide to cooperate!!!

Bunnies are doing well!  I LOVE having our rabbitry.  I want to figure out a new cage system... I have been on the look out.  Because I want to increase our numbers a little.  I still have some Holland Lops and an English Lop waiting for me.  AND... my Champagne as a girlfriend waiting for him! 

We have decided (and researched) a new "diet" for Nathaniel!!  We are going to start him on it this weekend.  We are hoping that will help with his attention issues at school!  It is going to be a major pain in the ass...and one more thing for ME to deal with and worry about... but I feel it will be worth it.  Praying it just works!!!

My mother's moving date is fast approaching.  I hope for everyones sake... it goes smooth. 
She really pissed me off when she told Nathan that she couldnt attend Grandparent's Day at school.... because I was forcing her to pack boxes!!!  Real nice... real nice!!  THIS is what I am dealing with!!!  The woman NEVER attended a Grandparent's day... for ANY of the kids... ANY other year!!!  Why would this year be any different?!?!?  I am not going to even get started. 
My grandparents ALWAYS go... as does Ollie's mother!!  Yep... interesting... LOL!!

Today I am making the call to cancel our Dish!!!  Hello limited basic cable!!!  LOL!!!

ALL THREE of my kids walked right by the empty trash cans at the curb yesterday after school... do you think any one of them grabbed one and pulled them around the house???  NOPE!!!  AND, looking around this morning...   chores NOT done properly!!!  Oh yes....  changes are needed!!! 

My kids have off school ALL week next week...  They are in for a real treat!!!  (Insert evil laugh here)

Ok... time to get moving on the "getting Nathan to school" battle!  Oh joy!!

On a positive note... the sun should be back tomorrow!!! 

A new way of life!!

OK... I have been told many times over the past week or so that my kids just dont appreciate the things they have.  And I have been aware of this for quite some time.

Stacy and I are beyond overwhelmed!!  Goodness... "overwhelmed" is a huge understatement!!
We are trying to manage 2 houses (both financially and physically).  We have to pay that bill... take care of shit when it breaks... mow... weed...
In addition to that... we have a son, Josh... who goes through cars like water!!  His car is once again down.  He is driving my car... which doesnt have me very happy.  On top of that... his car is sitting in our driveway... waiting for the repair fairies to come!! 
Stacy has so many other things to take care of... he just cant get to it... ON TOP of working 10 hour days!!!
Also on our plate... Earl's car.  Which needs sold.  My mom needs the money and is clueless on how to sell it herself.  Added to our plate....sitting in our driveway.

My children are making me crazy!! 
Thank goodness Britt no longer does cheerleading 1.5 hours away... that takes up an entire day every week.  I HATED IT!!!  Sounds selfish...?  Maybe.  But you have NO idea what I was dealing with... and what got neglected in order to make it happen.  Making her choose was the BEST decision I have made in a long time!!  Too bad I had to battle Stacy on it, at first.

Nathan is having a hard time in school.  He is dyslexic... we are trying so hard to work through these issues... but they are far from easy!!
Courtney will be graduating this year... I am soooo proud of her... and at the same time... scared to death of what comes next!! 
Brittany... well, Britt is my mini me... enough said!

None of my kids will follow through with their chores.  I have to chase behind them... "reminding them"... then checking up on them.  And most times... making them do them all again!  WTH...?!?!?  No, I dont think so!  We give chores for them to learn responsibility... and so that it is one less thing I have to do in a day!!!  This is turning out to be more work for me!!!

Life does  not need to be this hard.  It does not need to be this complicated!  I am about to make it a whole lot easier and less stressful!! 

My new plan...

I am cancelling our DishNetwork!  We are going back to old school cable with 7 damn channels!!!  There is an extra $90 a month to go into SAVINGS!  I like savings... maybe I will get a nice vacation... or the HONEYMOON we never had!!!
PLUS... the extra time the kids will be forced to spend together without the TV... will maybe teach them to get along for a change!!  Time to pull out the cards and board games!!!  PERFECT!
I dont watch TV much at all.  Only for about 20 minutes in the evening as Stay and I are cuddling.  So, TV was basically for the kids. 

I am downgrading my cell phone to talk and text only.  I dont need the damn internet on my phone.  All it does it add drama to my day.  The bullshit emails can wait until I get home and sit down at my desk!  Same goes for the news that usually just makes me ill anyway!  Less stress... AND... extra money into MY vacation fund!!!  WIN-WIN situation there!!!
Other cell phone downgrades... the kids will have talk time and text limitations... starting IMMEDIATELY!

My children who like to leave lights on... If I find lights left on and no one around... I am taking out the damn light bulbs!!!  Problem solved!

I want more time to enjoy our lives... less time stressing over stupid shit. 

Our kids have turned into spoiled brats.  And I am NOT liking it one darn bit!! 

I plan on continueing with 4-H... and supporting their Farm Show projects.  I also plan on allowing them to continue with their animal "adventures" where ever that may lead.  I feel that being responsible for a life other than their own is a HUGE learning experience.... one they need to understand.
As for other activities... as they learn to handle the priorities in their lives. 

As for other things that are weighing Stacy and I down...
Josh's car...  He better learn to take damn good care of it from this repair on.  Because MY car will be OFF LIMITS from now on.  I can only imagine the miles beng beat on to it... and it pisses me off!!! 
Earl's car... it is listed... with the insane, unrealistic price my mom seems to think she will get for it.  After a few weeks... if it doesnt sell... it will be in her driveway... and her problem.  Yes, Stacy and I have sold many cars... rather quickly on CL... BUT we had realistic prices set.  I guess time will tell. 

Stacy and I... along with Josh will be moving my mom and all of her stuff this Saturday.  Cant wait!  Just the 3 of us.  My broken back, Stacy's bad back, and Josh.  Sounds like a great, fun filled day in the making!!  AND... me and the kids will be MISSING another rabbit show for this!  Cant wait to break that to the kids.  I sure hope my mother plans on helping with this!!!  WE ARE NOT doing this on our own FOR her!!!
Once my mom is moved... I am done.  Time for her to sink or swim!!  I cant take care of her... I cant do everything for her...  I have limits and boundaries... and we are hitting them!!!

I am just so sick of the crap!!  Like I said earlier... life does not need to be this hard!!  I am going back to "simple"... and we shall see where that gets us.

Ok... done venting!
Now for me to continue to teach our dogs how to use the doggie door!!!  What an adventure this is becoming!!!  Most of them are getting the door thing down... but NONE of them want to potty ON the stall mats.  Sooooo.... my hardward floor is a better option...?!?!?  I DONT THINK SO! 
I pray for patience over the next few days while we work through this!